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I will merely be biased against every other team in the world, paying special attention to those filthy scouse bastards from down the M62, whose name I cannot even bring myself to say. Please do not think this. I will give a balanced and accurate view of all the smaller and more insignificant teams as well as the greatest team on the planet.

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His new manager Tony Pulis has asked us to ease up on the editing of Nessi's pieces for fear that excessive negative remarks may cause prolonged spells in the trainer's room. Seeing as we think Pulis is a top bloke, and his Stoke teams play some of the finest football this side of a prison yard, we're happy to oblige. Who is that you ask?

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