Orgasm on your own

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As a woman who went on a sexual discovery journey, I learned a few things on the way about orgasms in general and orgasms for women specifically. Orgasm is the chilly tickle on the edge of my skin as my lover draws his tongue from the edge of my ear to the tip of my nipple. It is the fire of my hunger and the blazing force that opens me to pleasure.

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Achieving consistent, mind-blowing orgasms is kind of like winning the lottery. Sounds amazing, but basically a pipe dream, right? Not necessary: There are little tricks that can help you learn how to have a better orgasm.

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For those of you who don't have a daily Google alert for the word "orgasm," you might have missed the fact that today is National Orgasm Day. It's probably not coincidental that it's also Hump Day, am I right? But luckily for you guys, I do have that Google alert that's my job, folks!

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But variety really is the spice of life. You wouldn't eat the same three meals every day, nor would you wear the same outfit over and over. Sherry RossMD. Besides providing a physical release, it's also an emotional one—allowing you to feel closer to your partner or simply de-stress after a tough day.

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In an ideal world, during sex your body would respond to all kinds of stimulation the same benevolent way Oprah does to her audience members. Your partner goes down on you? You get an orgasm!

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Orgasms aren't easy for every woman to come by. In fact, research suggests only 18 percent of women reach orgasm during intercourse alone. That is

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It's not usually hard for women to orgasm from solo sex, but getting off with a partner can be a totally different story. According to Vanessa Marina sex therapist who runs the online orgasm course Finishing Schoolit's fairly common to have a harder time orgasming with a partner than through masturbation. Basically, if you're having trouble hitting a high note during sex, you're not alone—but there are things you can do about it.

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In my 20s, I was oddly committed to seeking out my orgasms from other people a notoriously unreliable source. I understand having to work through shame and body issues before becoming completely comfortable with self-pleasure, but I really recommend doing whatever unblocking you need to start to pushing your own buttons ASAP. But you have to promise to control your inner Cersei; a person can get drunk off this much power.

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Your sexual partner just jubilantly crossed the finish line, but you're still running a race with no end in sight. It's frustrating. And, for an alarming number of heterosexual women, it's the infuriating reality of sex.

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Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?

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